Monday, November 11, 2013

I Want To Be Her

First I wanted to be that girl on the big screen,
you know, the one with perfect skin
and fashionable outfits?

Then I wanted to be that one girl,
the one who everyone 
gathers around at a party 
because she's got it all together, you know her?

I really wanted to be the successful girl,
so I could be powerful,
ya know, like a tenth grade biology teacher told me I was one--not a successful
girl, but you know, a feminist, I think there is some
truth in it.

I really wanted to be the girl on the cat walk, but 
my height killed me.

Then I started admiring the girl
who took amazing photos--thinking
how is capturing that through a lens, possible?

I would love to be that clever writer, the girl
that knows "big words" and
can paint a story on a page, you know
who I'm talking about?

I thought I needed to be the girl with thousands
of blog followers too--I really wanted to be her.
I didn't think I was good enough if I wasn't.

The girl with the perfect man--that girl, ya, I wanted
to be her too.

There's also that girl who raises chickens,
bakes her own bread,
and grows her own herbs.

Would have been cool to have been
the girl with four babies just about all at once, with
two on my hips at the same time.

But after much contemplation, I don't want to be that girl, her, or her.
I want, and am content with being this girl. Me.
I struggle with being me sometimes,
but I am learning to love her and
all that she is.
There's a bit of everything in me.
And I like exploring.