So I thought to myself, ya, I guess I could. Even though my head is foggy, my emotions are raw and my feelings are numb--is that possible at the same time?!
Plus I can choose to ignore the voices that are saying, "No one cares what you have to say."
It happened. I dropped my girl off at college. At a town two hours from here. My husband and I both. He did all the heavy lifting with Madelynn, and I stayed put in the dorm and started unpacking, I couldn't do the 3 flights of stairs. A cute Frat boy did stop along the way and helped them out though, boy he had impeccable manners. Whoa.
Here is my girl in her dorm-she's in the Volans House! Represent!
Tuesday, that was the day we dropped her off, was the oddest day in history for me. It didn't feel real, because up close and personal, my life was changing forever as I knew it. I felt I had to walk away from my life. From her. So much of my identity in ways. This girl I have kept safe--who am I kidding, I haven't kept her safe the whole 18 years, see, I've been lacking faith lately. But really, leaving her out of my care--is not easy. I know, right, where is my faith? I have been wondering that too.
To say that this will be an adjustment is an understatement. So much is different around her already and it's only been a few days! I could make a list, but I think that would make me feel worse.
I mean I went from being a single mom for 7 years to being married was an adjustment, but I still had my girl. Now I need to learn to live life, without her. No this isn't a death, but let me tell ya, it sure feels like one. I feel like I'm in mourning and I'm super sad. I've had fatigue for 2 days, and horrible headaches. Today is the first day I don't feel like I'm drowning.
I thought I was good at handling change too, I mean I am practically a pro. But I guess when it comes to my kid, I'm not. And I'm scared. Scared of all that is out there waiting for her and scared she'll make some poor choices. That's a novel thought, making a poor choice, like I've never done that?
You realize so much as a parent. Every day, every week, every month we can grow if we just step out in faith. We don't have to be crushed or consumed by the reality of what is going on in our lives with our kids. And that stands true for all parents. We can gain new perspective and have faith in the process, we can have faith that God is bigger than any of this. And if we trust in Him, no not everything will be perfect or no that doesn't mean our kids are protected from every problem or issue, it just means that we know God is at work in their lives, and He is for His people, He is making it all good, no matter how bad it all might seem. We count on this. And in this world, what else, who else, can you truly count on?
We are all feeling a little lost around here.
My daughter and I both have a lot of adjusting to do, we'll get there. All is new to her, all is new to me. I have to support, and encourage her new life without me. Gosh the analogy of the bird leaving the nest is so cliche' but so very true. My husband reminded me of that the other day. And it helps put things into perspective, because she just can not stay in this nest anymore, she needs to get out of it and fly on her own. And I refuse to get in her way. It's her time to spread her wings, and as they say, and soar.