She Knows Now

When she was being used,

she now knows she was innocent,

and that her heart would become

extra tender in years to come.

When she was told she was too sensitive,

she later figured out that she was

not afraid to feel or get

involved in humanity.

When she was told she was too serious,

she discovered that really, she was full

of passion.

When she was ignored and avoided,

she soon realized she was taken for granted, 

and that that had no bearing on her

whatsoever.

When she was told she talked too 

much and asked too many questions,

she learned the hard way that she

was an authentic soul to the core and

had a gift in relationships.

When others told her she 

was doing something scary or out

of the ordinary, 

she knows today that it was 

her love for helping others

that was coming through.

When she was told she was too fat, 

and not pretty enough,

she later discovered all

her worth was in her Jesus.

And knew that she was just right and

perfectly made.

When people told her she was

too loud,

she later realized it was 

because she was full of life

and excitable. 

When they pointed out that she would cry or laugh 

for no apparent reason,

she soon realized it was because 

of her ability to feel emotion, 

and express herself.

When they teased her for "soaking it all in",

she knew it was just an AWE-ness she had

and an appreciation for beauty. 

When someone rolled her eyes at her

and made her out to be some

sort of freak,

she knew, without a doubt

that she was misunderstood,

but that it didn't matter,

because she knew who she was.

She's Ok

photo by me, southwest, mn

in the dark of day, 

she's ok, she's ok

in the midst of confusion and wandering,

she's ok, she's ok

in her time of exhaustion and pain,

she's ok, she's ok

when she's abandoned and no one is listening,

she's ok, she's ok

in her moments of weakness, 

she's ok, she's ok

if she's full of fear,

she's ok, she's ok

in sickness and trials,

she's ok, she's ok

in times of apathy,

she's ok, she's ok

in tears, shouting, and meltdowns

she's ok, she's ok

when days are long and saddness follows,

she's ok, she's ok

when she's all alone, or afraid,

she's still ok, she's ok

her feelings or days don't knock her down,

or pick her up,

she is steady, 

with or without those

unreliable things.

she is not thrown off,

she fights for peace,

and security,

and beholds what is true.

THE GROWING IMPORTANCE OF WORKING MOTHERS

According to recent research from the USA, a record number of women in the American workforce are the sole or primary breadwinners for their families.

In a finding that shows the massive change in working practices over the last fifty years, mothers now bring the majority of funding into 40 per cent of households, up from 11 per cent in 1960.

And whilst most of these families tend to be headed by single mothers, the number of married mothers who are bringing in more income than their husbands is also increasing. Indeed, in nearly a quarter of American marriages, the woman is the major breadwinner.

So what are attitudes of America to this finding?

Not surprisingly, they are mixed. Whilst 67 per cent stated that the extra income from working mothers made it easier for families to earn enough to live comfortably, 74 per cent said that it had also made it harder for parents to raise children.

Another contradictory finding is that whilst the vast majority have rejected that women should return to their traditional roles, over half said that children are better off with the mother being at home as compared to only 8 per cent for a father.

Yet, the number of stay at home fathers in the USA is increasing and is up 78 per cent from a decade ago although they still only account for 3.6 per cent of all at home parents.

But while the gender balances between the home and the workplace is changing, it is clear that many organisations still don’t understand the importance of work-life balances, especially amongst the growing number of women who want to build successful careers in business and also be with their families.

As a result, some have speculated that this could see an increase in female entrepreneurship over the next few years where customer service is more important than the hours you work.

However, not everyone can run their own business and with more women going into the workforce to earn income for their families, it is critical that governments should adjust their own policy thinking to take this into account.

As I have pointed out previously in this column, one of the biggest barriers for women to return to the workforce after having children is the massive current cost of childcare.

And whilst the coalition government has rightly acted to relax rules around nurseries, thus hopefully making them cheaper to run and therefore passing on these lower costs to parents, this is nowhere near what could be done to help families where both parents are working.

In fact, I remain disappointed that there has been no serious examination by the Treasury on how childcare and other family costs could be made tax deductible either directly for working parents or even for the hundreds of thousands of grandparents who currently do childminding at no cost.

Indeed, only last week, a study showed that almost 20 per cent of grandmothers in the UK provide at least ten hours of childcare a week, and around 90 per cent of them provide this care for free. Based on average childminder rates, that care would be worth £7.3 billion, nearly double what it was a decade ago.

So much remains to be done to ensure that government policies reflect the real changes that are happening in the workplace. With less than two years to go of this current administration, I hope that some of the radicalism we saw back in the summer of 2010 will reassert itself and that ministers will develop policies that really help hard working families around the country, especially if both parents of those families are working.

 

Less Of A Woman

I am not less of a woman

if I don't cook every night,

I'm not less of a woman 

if I have rooms long over

due for a cleaning,

I'm not less of a woman

if I have laundry or dishes

piled,

I'm not less of a woman 

if I don't have my own

chickens in the backyard

for fresh egg eatin',

I'm not less of a woman 

if I can't but organic food

for my family,

I'm not less of a woman 

if I forget my camera at 

important kids programs,

I'm not less of a woman
if I am battling an illness
or live with chronic pain,

I'm not less of a woman

if I didn't make a check

next to everything on my

to do list for today,

I'm not less of a woman

if I'm too tired for intimacy,

I'm not less of a woman 

if I raise my voice at my 

children,

I'm not less of a woman 

if I don't have a college degree,

I'm not less of a woman 

if I don't work outside 

of the home,

I'm not less of a woman 

if I don't get to travel the

globe,

I'm not less of a woman

if I wear sweatpants

all day long,

I'm not less of a woman

if I don't churn my own butter

bake my own bread or

grow my own garden.

I'm not less of a woman

if I get cranky, irritable,

or argue with my husband,

I'm not less of a woman 

if I sleep til 10 in the morning,

or if I have 10 extra pounds on.

I'm not less of a woman

if I say no to a friend in need.

I'm not less of a woman 

if I'm praised, put down,

mocked, judged, or misunderstood.

Just like you, I am a woman, a wife, a partner, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a believer, a non-believer.

Depressed, angry, disappointed, tired, exhausted, hopeful, ambitious, and scared.I am growing, learning, listening, trying, frustrated and hardworking. We are home owners, renters,

business owners, on food stamps, athletes, glamorous, jealous, daring and fearful. We are shy, friendly,

outgoing and hospitable. We are sick, well, and everything in between. We struggle, strive, and succeed.

We laugh, cry and scream. We're quiet, we talk, and we are silent. We are moved, sensitive, and 

emotional. We are full of energy, and we have nothing left. We give, we take and we share. We are

fashionable and unfashionable. We are high and low. Tall and short. Heavy, thin and everything in

between. We are teachers, instructors, and students. We are academic, articulate and ignorant.

We are scholars, theologians, and skeptics. We are artists, engineers, and baristas. We are lovers,

fighters and companions. We give advice, listen well and interrupt. We fall, and stand tall. We are strong we are weak. We are homemakers, foster families, and adopters. We are blessed we are cursed. We are rich we are poor. We are compassionate and rude. We are high and we are low, we are together and alone. We are creative and we are brainy. We are grandmothers, dancers and we are retired.

Put together we are so much. Each important, each our own purpose. Each our own story and journey. Our beautiful, messy, complicated, difficult, wild, crazy, blessed journey.

*My poem is a collection
of examples and heart cries
that I have heard from other
woman. Things they have 
shared with me or things
I've been keen to along 
the way. Do you recognize
yourself?