Not Just On Thursday

. . .finding thankfulness in everyday. . .so much of our misery is rooted in ingratitude. Most of the time, even in the bleakest of circumstances, all it takes is a little refocusing and we can become thankful. . . 

but you don't see how demanding my job is;

yes but you are employed and are a unique contributor 

but you don't see how hectic and crazy home life is with kids;

yes, but you wanted and prayed for children, and they are a blessing

my husband lacks in so many areas, it's nearly impossible to love him;

I understand, but surely if you dig deep enough you will find value in him

living with chronic illness is extremely depressing;

yes, surely I can relate, but you are still living so you have a purpose

I'm tired of living "pay check to pay check";

I can see that, but you have a choice in the matter

I wish I had nicer things and a bigger house;

I can relate, but I am reminded that anything that can be bought, is 

pretty worthless anyway

I'm not in the spotlight, people don't know me;

but God not only sees you, He knows you

I didn't accomplish all I wanted to during the week;

goodness me, but what did you accomplish and who is keeping track?

I don't have enough friends;

I say start small and redirect your focus on the friend/s you do have

I have such a small family, I'm bitter because it's not bigger;

yes, but do you have family?

There is so much I want to do that I haven't;

well do you believe in dreams?

You don't see how lonely I am;

maybe not, but have you tried anything new?

But I don't have what she has;

ok, but what do you have?

Most of my life it's been a battle to remain thankful. So much of my life, like many, has not gone the way I imagined, hoped or envisioned. So much of life's pain has been thrown at me. It's a fight, but I have refused to let bitterness and resentments stick around for too long. Oh they make my heart heavy! I gladly replace those two with thankfulness and gratitude. When we find those living in our hearts instead of bitterness and resentment, we are lighter. We have a more open mind and heart. 

We become a more easy come, easy go person. 

We don't continue to hold on to what is keeping us from ingratitude.

We accept that in this life, we will not get what we want a lot of the time. We will be thrown curve balls. We will deal with hurts. And at times it will be torture. But if we stay on top of our hearts position amidst these times, I truly believe we will see and experience life differently. But it does take some work on our part to gain new perspectives. Let's face it, it can be effort to see good in this life. Sad, but true. 

The minute I take what's holding me down--and blocking gratitude--which is usually bitterness of some sort--I feel like I'm made new. I feel like I'm then operating out of the person I was made to be. The beauty of this is anyone can do it! Prisoners, soldiers, the dying, the living, anyone.

What, in your heart, can you turn around this Thursday?  I love the holiday, but thanksgiving needs to be in our hearts every single day! Not just once a year should we focus on being thankful. I surely know where my heart needs pruning. Come to think of it, I need to go find those shears. 

I Want To Be Her

First I wanted to be that girl on the big screen,

you know, the one with perfect skin

and fashionable outfits?

Then I wanted to be that one girl,

the one who everyone 

gathers around at a party 

because she's got it all together, you know her?

I really wanted to be the successful girl,

so I could be powerful,

ya know, like a feminist...my tenth grade biology teacher told me I was one--not a successful

girl, but you know, a feminist, I think there is some

truth in it.

I really wanted to be the girl on the cat walk, but 

my height killed me.

Then I started admiring the girl

who took amazing photos--thinking

how is capturing that through a lens, possible?

I would love to be that clever writer, the girl

that knows "big words" and

can paint a story on a page, you know

who I'm talking about?

I thought I needed to be the girl with thousands

of blog followers too--I really wanted to be her.

I didn't think I was good enough if I wasn't.

The girl with the perfect man--that girl, ya, I wanted

to be her too.

There's also that girl who raises chickens,

bakes her own bread,

and grows her own herbs.

Would have been cool to have been

the girl with four babies just about all at once, with

two on my hips at the same time.

But after much contemplation, I don't want to be that girl, her, or her.

I want, and am content with being this girl. Me.

I struggle with being me sometimes,

but I am learning to love her and

all that she is.

There's a bit of everything in me.

And I like exploring.

She Knows Now

When she was being used,

she now knows she was innocent,

and that her heart would become

extra tender in years to come.

When she was told she was too sensitive,

she later figured out that she was

not afraid to feel or get

involved in humanity.

When she was told she was too serious,

she discovered that really, she was full

of passion.

When she was ignored and avoided,

she soon realized she was taken for granted, 

and that that had no bearing on her

whatsoever.

When she was told she talked too 

much and asked too many questions,

she learned the hard way that she

was an authentic soul to the core and

had a gift in relationships.

When others told her she 

was doing something scary or out

of the ordinary, 

she knows today that it was 

her love for helping others

that was coming through.

When she was told she was too fat, 

and not pretty enough,

she later discovered all

her worth was in her Jesus.

And knew that she was just right and

perfectly made.

When people told her she was

too loud,

she later realized it was 

because she was full of life

and excitable. 

When they pointed out that she would cry or laugh 

for no apparent reason,

she soon realized it was because 

of her ability to feel emotion, 

and express herself.

When they teased her for "soaking it all in",

she knew it was just an AWE-ness she had

and an appreciation for beauty. 

When someone rolled her eyes at her

and made her out to be some

sort of freak,

she knew, without a doubt

that she was misunderstood,

but that it didn't matter,

because she knew who she was.

She's Ok

photo by me, southwest, mn

in the dark of day, 

she's ok, she's ok

in the midst of confusion and wandering,

she's ok, she's ok

in her time of exhaustion and pain,

she's ok, she's ok

when she's abandoned and no one is listening,

she's ok, she's ok

in her moments of weakness, 

she's ok, she's ok

if she's full of fear,

she's ok, she's ok

in sickness and trials,

she's ok, she's ok

in times of apathy,

she's ok, she's ok

in tears, shouting, and meltdowns

she's ok, she's ok

when days are long and saddness follows,

she's ok, she's ok

when she's all alone, or afraid,

she's still ok, she's ok

her feelings or days don't knock her down,

or pick her up,

she is steady, 

with or without those

unreliable things.

she is not thrown off,

she fights for peace,

and security,

and beholds what is true.

Less Of A Woman

I am not less of a woman

if I don't cook every night,

I'm not less of a woman 

if I have rooms long over

due for a cleaning,

I'm not less of a woman

if I have laundry or dishes

piled,

I'm not less of a woman 

if I don't have my own

chickens in the backyard

for fresh egg eatin',

I'm not less of a woman 

if I can't but organic food

for my family,

I'm not less of a woman 

if I forget my camera at 

important kids programs,

I'm not less of a woman
if I am battling an illness
or live with chronic pain,

I'm not less of a woman

if I didn't make a check

next to everything on my

to do list for today,

I'm not less of a woman

if I'm too tired for intimacy,

I'm not less of a woman 

if I raise my voice at my 

children,

I'm not less of a woman 

if I don't have a college degree,

I'm not less of a woman 

if I don't work outside 

of the home,

I'm not less of a woman 

if I don't get to travel the

globe,

I'm not less of a woman

if I wear sweatpants

all day long,

I'm not less of a woman

if I don't churn my own butter

bake my own bread or

grow my own garden.

I'm not less of a woman

if I get cranky, irritable,

or argue with my husband,

I'm not less of a woman 

if I sleep til 10 in the morning,

or if I have 10 extra pounds on.

I'm not less of a woman

if I say no to a friend in need.

I'm not less of a woman 

if I'm praised, put down,

mocked, judged, or misunderstood.

Just like you, I am a woman, a wife, a partner, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a believer, a non-believer.

Depressed, angry, disappointed, tired, exhausted, hopeful, ambitious, and scared.I am growing, learning, listening, trying, frustrated and hardworking. We are home owners, renters,

business owners, on food stamps, athletes, glamorous, jealous, daring and fearful. We are shy, friendly,

outgoing and hospitable. We are sick, well, and everything in between. We struggle, strive, and succeed.

We laugh, cry and scream. We're quiet, we talk, and we are silent. We are moved, sensitive, and 

emotional. We are full of energy, and we have nothing left. We give, we take and we share. We are

fashionable and unfashionable. We are high and low. Tall and short. Heavy, thin and everything in

between. We are teachers, instructors, and students. We are academic, articulate and ignorant.

We are scholars, theologians, and skeptics. We are artists, engineers, and baristas. We are lovers,

fighters and companions. We give advice, listen well and interrupt. We fall, and stand tall. We are strong we are weak. We are homemakers, foster families, and adopters. We are blessed we are cursed. We are rich we are poor. We are compassionate and rude. We are high and we are low, we are together and alone. We are creative and we are brainy. We are grandmothers, dancers and we are retired.

Put together we are so much. Each important, each our own purpose. Each our own story and journey. Our beautiful, messy, complicated, difficult, wild, crazy, blessed journey.

*My poem is a collection
of examples and heart cries
that I have heard from other
woman. Things they have 
shared with me or things
I've been keen to along 
the way. Do you recognize
yourself?

When The Sun Goes Down

When the sun goes down, 

are you angry?

Are you hurting?

When the sun goes down,

have you been grateful for the day and 

for it's small treasures?

When the sun goes down,

have you forgiven others, 

let go of your grudge, 

or your contempt?

When the sun goes down,

are you worried, stressed,

and anxious?

When the sun goes down,

are you thankful for another day,

because each one is such a gift?

When the sun goes down,

are you thinking of those in need,

who could use a friend or helping hand?

When the sun goes down,

have you acknowledged God

and His awesomeness? 

I've been trying to be mindful about these things before the sun goes down each night.

I can answer "yes" to some and "no" to some. I'm a work in progress as I'm guessing you are too.

But it all starts with being mindful, and letting things go that need to go. And recognizing what needs to be

recognized. So much of the time we don't want to do the hard work and look at ourselves--we don't want to know where our hearts are, because then we have to deal with it. Who wants to do that?

I'm realizing when I do deal with it, I'm lighter. I'm freer. It's easier to let go of all that I hold so tightly too. So much of it that isn't even good for me. This clears my mind, my heart and my body.

What's waiting for you at sunset?