We Are Still Alive

I wanted to personally thank each and everyone of you who reached out and said such precious things to me regarding this post. Seriously, I was stunned and in such shock over the out pour of love and sweetness. Please consider this my personal "Thank You" and gratitude.

The title of this post might sound kind of strange, but I'll get there, it will make sense. I just need to work it out in my head a bit, bear with me, eh?

If we are still in the land of the living, that means we have not gotten a disease that has killed us, we have not been killed in some sort of accident, we have not been murdered, and we have not taken our own life. I think I covered all the ways that we generally die. For this truth, we are so lucky and blessed. I do not believe that disease and "bad things" are from God like a lot of people. Maybe that's too general, but I believe we are in a fallen world, and "bad things" come from something that is far from God. And why I believe that is more detailed but I didn't want to get into Theology. I'm just sure by me talking about death is stirring up feelings in a lot of you. In short, for whatever reason, WE, are still in the land of the living, and that is something to be grateful for. I think we take something as simple, yet profound as being alive, for granted.
Believe it or not, this is an encouraging post! At least I hope it to be.

How often to we want what we want now? How often are we impatient, day after day about one thing or another? How often do we feel defeated in our marriages, our jobs and in parenting? Isn't it true that we easily get frustrated and wish things could and would be different? We can't seem to understand the cycle of life. Sometimes things feel and look good, other times, if not most often, we are down and out by life because it's not what we had hoped for, or what we expected.

We are a people of wanting things NOW. We have dreams and envision a way of life, or a way of character that just doesn't seem to come, and if it does, it's slow.

I am eager for my skin to be shed, trust me. I want newness in my heart, constantly, and change is slow. That's looking internally, but I also want to be useful and purposeful in this life externally. I have ideas, dreams and hopes!

Sometimes I wonder if any of it will ever happen, or if the days will just keep going. I see how I'm used in my daily life and I do feel a sense of purpose, but it's spotty, and unpredictable sometimes, especially if I'm not feeling well. But what I need to remember in times of discouragement is that life is always unfolding! Even when we don't see it or realize it, something is always being worked "behind the scenes". We are still living, there is much to come! God is not finished with us yet, we are still alive! We don't have to feel defeated, we can take heart knowing that life is happening while we are waiting, we just might not see it or understand what it is. I trust that when trials come, let's say, I know that even though it's extremely painful and hard, that I am being made complete in my life. I am going through something I have never gone through before, I need to learn something I never have. I find solace in knowing that I am being made whole in the process called life. Or if I am wanting to accomplish something in my life, such as a book I want to write, I have to know fully that it might not look like the way I thought it would. There will be lots of bumps in the road and I may feel defeated a lot during the process.

If we are still alive, life is still working itself out.

Take my daughter going off to college for instance. I am not a fan of this stage. For many reasons. But what it's taught me is mind blowing. I have been so refined and have truly learned the meaning of letting go. I have not mastered it yet, but I never thought I'd be able to do it, and the sound of it a year ago sounded impossible. But in that year, I can see the things that were put in my life to lead me to actually doing it. That is what I mean by "working behind the scenes". It's almost like things are being knit together so precisely to one day eventually reveal themselves to us. How beautiful is that!

So if you are still alive, like I am, remember that not everything comes when we want it to. Or when we think we need it to. It's cliche' but I so believe in God's timing--He tends to know what we need before we know ourselves what we need. Learning to be patient to see what will unfold in your life can be a gut wrenching process, but trust that it will work itself out. Just when you need it to. Work toward what you want and set goals, have dreams...just know that it could take years for it to come! And I'm not kidding, I know people who have waited years and years.

Remember when you are going through painful times and you are hurting-- that your heart just needs to learn something new, and that you aren't complete yet. Your heart is being made whole!

We all must know that simply being alive is a gift!

What do you think you need to be more patient about?
How will you cherish being alive?
What new goals do you have?
What are you waiting for in your life?

She Knows Now

When she was being used,

she now knows she was innocent,

and that her heart would become

extra tender in years to come.

When she was told she was too sensitive,

she later figured out that she was

not afraid to feel or get

involved in humanity.

When she was told she was too serious,

she discovered that really, she was full

of passion.

When she was ignored and avoided,

she soon realized she was taken for granted, 

and that that had no bearing on her

whatsoever.

When she was told she talked too 

much and asked too many questions,

she learned the hard way that she

was an authentic soul to the core and

had a gift in relationships.

When others told her she 

was doing something scary or out

of the ordinary, 

she knows today that it was 

her love for helping others

that was coming through.

When she was told she was too fat, 

and not pretty enough,

she later discovered all

her worth was in her Jesus.

And knew that she was just right and

perfectly made.

When people told her she was

too loud,

she later realized it was 

because she was full of life

and excitable. 

When they pointed out that she would cry or laugh 

for no apparent reason,

she soon realized it was because 

of her ability to feel emotion, 

and express herself.

When they teased her for "soaking it all in",

she knew it was just an AWE-ness she had

and an appreciation for beauty. 

When someone rolled her eyes at her

and made her out to be some

sort of freak,

she knew, without a doubt

that she was misunderstood,

but that it didn't matter,

because she knew who she was.

She's Ok

photo by me, southwest, mn

in the dark of day, 

she's ok, she's ok

in the midst of confusion and wandering,

she's ok, she's ok

in her time of exhaustion and pain,

she's ok, she's ok

when she's abandoned and no one is listening,

she's ok, she's ok

in her moments of weakness, 

she's ok, she's ok

if she's full of fear,

she's ok, she's ok

in sickness and trials,

she's ok, she's ok

in times of apathy,

she's ok, she's ok

in tears, shouting, and meltdowns

she's ok, she's ok

when days are long and saddness follows,

she's ok, she's ok

when she's all alone, or afraid,

she's still ok, she's ok

her feelings or days don't knock her down,

or pick her up,

she is steady, 

with or without those

unreliable things.

she is not thrown off,

she fights for peace,

and security,

and beholds what is true.

A New Day

Each day it seems I wake to struggle with acceptance. Acceptance of circumstance. Acceptance of my current situation. Not that it is entirely all bad, in fact if it's measured next to some, it looks like quite a good life. But I don't measure myself or my life on goodness based on if it is full of travels, or good health, family and friends or shelter and a pooch to cuddle. Although, those things are indeed what make my life wonderful and full. But it's a contentment and peace that is deeper than all those things that I long for. Whether things are "good" or "bad" in my life. Whatever I'm facing, I long for peace in each new day. And even though I'm aware that that, for me, only comes from knowing my Creator, I still struggle.

But I woke this morning to a realization. I felt God speaking to me, "Wake without trying to change your circumstances today. Rest in my provision, wisdom and grace, and let that be enough."

I seem to wrestle with peace in each new day because there are more things I'd like to be doing physically. I thought my life would look way different than it actually looks right now, don't you?

It's easy to focus on what I wish I could do, or what I wish my life was instead, instead of appreciating all I am able to do. Gosh we are prone to selfishness. Quite frankly there is plenty I can do! I long to get out of the rhythm of measuring myself up against what the world views as "purposeful" or "successful". I know in my head as I am doing that measuring, that it's a waste of time and does me no good. I know the Truth, yet I still struggle.

But today I feel like I can fight against it less.
I can stop analyzing what I think I "should" or "wish" I could be doing and what others might think I should be doing. I can gently remind myself that each day is as it should be for now, and I have the freedom to make it what I can as best as I can. I don't have to try to fix, plan or figure out what lies ahead for me. I can accept that something deeper and bigger is being composed "behind the scenes" of my interior life, and that is a profound, beautiful thing.

Embracing each day with acceptance and grace will get us far. Approaching the day with gratitude, and redirecting our focus will make a huge difference for us. Whatever situation we are in, whether we are stay at home moms with 3 children and we are run down and need a break, or we work FT and come home to a mess, or if we are single, we can re-frame our days so we are able to have peace. That's the cool thing about new days, we can start over every morning.